Breaking the distance OR how to make long distance relationship work

Long distance relationships.
We can all agree that they suck and are not recommended. But, as musicians we travel a lot and sometimes cannot pass on opportunities that are far from our significant other. Sometimes we even meet amazing people at summer programs and know it will lead to long distance limbo. Is it worth it? That's a question I cannot help you with. But if you decided it is, here are a few tips from my good friend A who is a PRO with long distance relationships. She and her boyfriend have been together for 5 years and are still going strong!

1. Don’t get frustrated. It’s so easy to get frustrated and angry in a long distance relationship.It’s easy for things to get out of hand because of overthinking something small. Always take the time to talk everything out and get everything out there.

2. Be open and honest with each other. It’s easier in a long distance relationship to hide or forget to say something that could be considered really important to your significant other. Even if it’s a silly detail in the day, funny meme, something small that bothers you, or just showing what you ate for lunch. It shows that you’re always thinking of them, including them in your lives no matter the distance, and there is no “smoke screen” in between you.

3. Make routines such as talking every night before going to bed. It doesn’t matter if it’s for 2 hours or 10 minutes. The fact that we both make time for each other is important. Even though I know the basics of what J does during the day (he would give me updates like driving to this city, in rehearsal, hanging with someone), it's still nice to hear about their entire day. Even if it’s a day where he didn’t leave the apartment! It's still nice to just hear about everything. Plus it’s such a great way to think back on the day, unwind, and discuss each part of the day with him. Sometimes we go on tangents and it grows into something more, but it’s just our way of just sharing our day together.

4. Come up with fun traditions. We developed a tradition of buying each other cups or mugs. Having a shared interest or collection makes the gifting more fun. It definitely makes me think more about J when I travel. Also the little things you give each other go a long way. If they casually mention something and you get them something similar, it shows that you listened to them and were thinking of them. It’s the small gestures that go a long way in long distance relationships.

5. Have an understanding of each other’s lives. One problem I’ve ran into in the past about long distance was not answering my phone or answering texts/messages “in a timely manner”. It's a red flag when they become frustrated when I don't text back even after I told them “I’m in rehearsal” or “meeting with some friends”. Communication is important, but understanding that one person has a busy day and it doesn’t revolve around the other is also important. Plus, I’m the type of person that hates answering texts or calls when I’m hanging with people/company. The only time I answer is if it’s important (ie: my parents, emergency situations, etc) or letting people know where we are hanging – that sort of thing. Respecting each other’s private time/lives is very important.

6. Snail mail and hand written letters are the best. Sometimes having something small like that physically sent to or from you can mean so much more than what people think. It may be “old school” or “over-rated”, but handwritten letters out of the blue can make a huge difference. It shows that you’re thinking of them, or vice versa. Plus it’s fun to reread those letters :)

7. Plan ahead, even if it’s something small. It could be anything from planning to see each other in a city or just making a specific dish for them. It shows that not only are you thinking of them, but thinking of the future. Sometimes I would come across an article about restaurants in the area, and we will plan to go to a few next time we meet.